Top Fantasies....

<--- Deviantart by Crimson Visions

The lovely Wilhemina of Heartbreak Nymphomania did a post about her top fantasies... since this is something I have been meaning to think about, but usually shy away from just because I don't want to feel deprived by not doing them.... I decided maybe it could be used more positively. I could seek to fulfill some of them, and I bet it would be fantastic.....

Some of her favorites that overlapped with mine were:
- Being completely restrained, entirely out of control.
- Ice play, wax play. I might hate ice play but I'd love to try it - I'm very sensitive to cold.
- Photographing someone I am sexually attracted to, I'd like to basically have them attempt to seduce me through the camera... I'd also love to have this done in reverse.
- A truly sensual massage experience, I've given one before but never really received one.

Now moving on to mine that she didn't mention:
- Painting sex. Sasha and I've commented back and forth to one another about this before. I'd love to paint someone, be painted, and have sex on a canvas or do bodyprints on canvas from the sexual painting session.
- Knife and edge play. I don't know if I would want to actually be cut... maybe I would though, but I'd love the threat and to play around with trust and submission and possible pain barriers.
- Being totally dominated, clearly from the few things I have written I have a thing for this. :) I'm aware that the lifestyle isn't for me, but I find pure vanilla sex so boring that I would love to explore this further. So far though everyone backs off from dominating me as much as I could handle. The light is GREEN I say! ;)
- Oh! A favorite idea is to be directed by someone to perform on/with a bound woman. Or to be the bound woman being the center of directed play by another woman.
- I also sort of have the rape fantasy as well, very common. I'd like to have a prior conversation letting someone know I'm going to fight them but to take it anyway. That sounds like sooo much fun.
- Sex in a public place or at a party, sex outside, sex in an elevator, anywhere that feels exhibitionistic.
- Voyeurism. I want to watch, I'd like to watch LOTS of things. Fetish scenes, BDSM, or just other people having sex would be nice. I wouldn't care if I got to do this alone or with a partner, wherever.
- Teacher/student thing but I'd never go after one of my teachers or my students, I guess I could always roleplay it... but eh. I've worn the outfits before, but I never really FEEL like a student with a teacher so for me I think I'll just end up keeping it as major masturbation fodder.
- Masked sex, at a masquerade party.
- I want to have someone manhandle me while wearing black latex gloves. I've never seen them on someone in person, I think I would swoon.
- I'm so sure there are more... and in that light I'd like to borrow a line from Essin' Em's 100 sexual things about her list: I want to try all these new and exciting things, but have yet to find someone I trust who wants to play.

Some I've done but could be repeated:
- Tied a man to a chair and given a lap dance, domination and controlled seduction, very fun.
- Strip tease
- Racy photos, videos, etc. I liked this a lot, note the easy capitulation in HNT participation... but I hated the one sex video I allowed. I deleted it forever.
- Given oral outside on many occasions, and a hand job, and road head many times.
- MFF 3-somes, several times with different pairings. YUM. Probably my fave because I like women and men so much and this gives me both at the same time.
- Sex with a stranger. Met him, went home with him, had sex, said goodbye. Liked it, but not enough to really want to repeat it. I did like it with a female stranger though, she and I are still friends.

If I could pick the one I'd do next? Restraints. Then edge play. And somewhere in there the painting and photos!

Meme : Spreading some love

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.....Fleshbotted??

I don't even know what to say!! AAG fleshbotted ME?! My southern roots and dear-abby-etiquette don't really have a memo for what to do when you're recognized for writing a sexual adventure into an on-line forum for others to read.

Do I curtsy in a wide-brimmed hat and ruffled skirt as I blush and demurely say: "It was nothing, I can't believe you even noticed! My heavens, thank you for seeing little ole' me and my little ole' entry"?

Or do I preen a bit in my own head, pleased that when I put forth the effort and force the focus, I can write coherently about something that brings enjoyment and maybe even arousal to others who have come here to the internet and the blogosphere for something they weren't finding in their worlds - rather than just spewing my own self-focused nonsense like I usually feel the need to do?

Maybe we should assume I'm doing both. Ditch the hat, add a saucy sexy headband adorned with a peacock feather (for the preening). Make the dress a halter v-neck, black and short, but still with a ruffled hem in a nod to my southern roots. Make the curtsy, but with a tilt of the head, a raised eyebrow, and a satiric lilt to my smile. (Much like a sub looks at a master when they're not being truly submissive at all....) "Thank you AAG for reading, I am sincerely humbled by being mentioned by someone whose writing I so deeply admire. Thank you Sasha Sappho, my brilliant beautiful parallel, for suggesting I do it! Who would have thought it would bring such a brightness and lightness of spirit to a challenging week! Most of all, I hope everyone does enjoy it."

My first sex blog: Oral Evening

Note: If you do know me personally, you may not want to read this. I felt I should try my fingers at a sex blog thanks to Sasha's question regarding my participation in HNT. I didn't feel I should participate if I haven't at least written one truly sexual blog..... so here goes nothing. :D

There are times when not having full intercourse can be the hottest thing, and I had one of those recently...... It started innocently enough, I needed a massage. So I draped myself across (SP) my boyfriend's lap, presenting the offending body part, my lower back. He chuckled and proceeded to knead the pain in my lower back into submission. I slowly relaxed and eventually found myself very interested in the sensations rolling through my body as he lowered the pressure of his fingers to just lightly brush my skin. I sighed delightedly and snuggled into his leg. Eventually I sat up, wrapping my arms around him to kiss him and thank him for his wonderful administrations.

One closed mouth kiss on the lips quickly became many kisses, the intensity of each one increasing from that of the one before. Mmm, can he kiss. His hands were on my skin, which was rapidly heating from the inside out. My hands were hard on his shoulders, as I leaned down over him to continue deepening the kisses. Invading tongues, slight nibbles, I wanted more. I leaned back and got up, grabbing his hand to pull him behind me. He laughed softly at my insistence, but allowed himself to be led. In his bedroom, the kisses rained down on other parts of the body, I had his shirt off, he had mine off. I bit into his shoulders, one of my favorite places to bite. As I started blindly fumbling with his pants, not taking my mouth from his neck, ears, and shoulder, he pushed me back and grabbed my nipple into his mouth. For a moment the world fell away, and all I could feel were the waves of heat moving through my system. The intense sensations in my nipple, his hand holding me up from around my waist, his body throbbing against mine, and the pooling heat collecting beneath the lace under my skirt. There are moments where all I am is a collection of sensations. I live for those moments.

When he let go I scrambled to collect myself, and tore the last of his clothing away. He pushed me down onto the bed.
"We can't have sex baby, but you can do anything else you want to me.", I managed to gasp out as he pressed down on top of me. His cock pressing into the lace of my underwear, my skirt shoved up around my hips. His legs were on either side of mine, preventing me from moving them. Even as I was speaking I was working hard to rub my clit back and forth against the hard length of his body. With him pressing down on top of me, forcing me into the bed, and making me fight for the contact my body craved, I climaxed against him in a matter of a minute. He knew I had more. I pulled away in the sensitive aftermath, and he pressed down again. He manipulated my body into two more orgasms, my moans and cries filling the room, until I begged him for a break.

His hardness had been used to torment me for some time now, and I wanted it inside of me, however I could get it. I pushed him back off of me and reached, finding what I wanted. I took him into my mouth, ever mindful of my overly sharp teeth. I felt the shock go through his body, I'd gotten there faster than he had expected. I took him deep into my throat, then pulled him out, licking up and down both sides of his cock while smiling up at him. He groaned, but kept his hands back for the moment. I took him in deeply again, teasing him a little as I immediately pulled back and used my tongue to tease the head of his cock.

He'd had enough of this in short order. (Not that I'm not good at making him orgasm if I want to, but I was intentionally teasing him, hehe.) He pushed me back onto the bed by my shoulders, pinning my arms down with his legs, his cock in my face. He pulled a pillow behind my head, so that I had no choice but to take him into my mouth. One of his hands was in my hair, the other against the wall, bracing his body above me. He pushed his cock in and out of my cheek while pulling my hair, making me moan and lose focus. Then he pushed deep into my throat, gagging me on him. I looked deep into his eyes, knowing I can handle it no matter how he gives it to me, letting him know I love it. The look on my face spurred him on, he began pumping in and out of my throat, holding my head where he wanted it. There was cum on my lips, in my throat, and in that moment it tasted heavenly. I'd lost feeling in my hands, but the only thing I really felt was this hot length sliding in and out of my mouth, the only thing I saw was his arousal before me and my own erect nipples and flushed skin behind it. My world narrowed to the feeling of his cock between my lips, his cum in my throat, the sound of his groans and my moans. He shuddered and I knew it was almost over, he began thrusting with abandon, I was nearly gagging each time, but it was so hot I loved every second of it. Suddenly he stopped moving and pulled my hair hard back one last time. I kept my lips firmly around his cock, sucking hard. The first spurt shot down my throat, the second he yanked his cock out and I felt the warm splatter all over my breasts. I nearly came myself just from arousal, but in the last second it escaped me. I didn't care. He shuddered above me, one hand still on the wall, the other in my hair, but gentle now. I licked my lips, he saw, and we both laughed a little breathlessly. He moved off my arms and I'm sure they tingled as the blood returned to my hands, but I didn't feel a thing. He pulled me up to take me and shower me off, I nearly fell back over, causing another spurt of laughter. I'm always dizzy after intense orgasms and moments. My hair was standing in every direction, but I felt radiant. Finally, I could stand and walk on my own, and to the shower we went.

Reading, the true love of my life.

I have friends for the facets of my personality. I have a public blog, and a private semi-secret one. I still have things I only share with myself. My cats hear things no one else does. Blah blah. I've turned to reading lately to soothe the anxieties within, to find more like minds since they don't exist in the town I live in, to broaden my horizons mentally, and for many other reasons. Through doing so I've found many who feel like a friend of my mind, even if we've never exchanged any discourse at all.

My average goddess is a friend of my soul, of the searcher in me, and of the girl who likes to dress well, be in shape, eat right, and be hot all while being successful too. The Average Goddess. A brilliant, witty, fantastic human being I am so lucky to know. She inspires me, I want to be her. I adore her!! And I read her. :)

Sasha Sappho. I felt the oddest connection upon reading Sasha's words the first time. It's weird how close you can feel to someone's words. And I love to comment on her blogs because they always get me thinking, I hope she doesn't mind the cyber stalk, it's entirely friendly. :D

Essin' Em. I admire how she shares herself and her mind so freely and openly, and it's a lovely mind full of brilliant ideas and wonderful causes and live and let live ideas. I love reading her, she opens my mind up wider every time I do.

Other blogs I am really enjoying for their mind opening and other properties: AAG, Secret Confessions of a Smart Girl, and finally Bunny.

Some of these are sex blogs, because I like sex. Others are what I like to think of as blogs of the broken, one is both. My blog falls under the blogs of the broken category quite clearly as well.

Reading all of this is so nice for me, a simple way to put it, but that's how it makes me feel. Stimulated, interested, interesting to myself, sometimes it helps me feel less alone, less misunderstood, less confused, and just.... well, nice. However, I think it is severely inflating my imposter syndrome... or maybe something else is. I never feel smart anymore. I don't feel take charge anymore (even though everyone tells me I am a take charge person... and my actions even say I am!!). I never feel like what I write or say or do is the BEST or wittiest or most informed option and therefore it almost feels futile to share.... I need to go to the therapist tomorrow. Something is definitely wrong here. Almost as soon as I stepped back into my house, after the joy of seeing my kitties wore off... I felt the apathy, the lethargy, the desire to hide my sluggish nature creeping back in. Is it grad school? Is it something in the water? Is it this ridiculous town? Or is it something else entirely?

I can't stand that I can't figure ME out right now. That's the one person I have always been able to understand.....

Back to the reading: I also recently read a few books, I was trying to branch out from my normal escapism tendencies (meaning I only read high fantasy books). The books I chose this time on my latest buying spree were collections of stories, and a different type of fiction than I normally read. I still have some left but here are small reviews of the few I've read so far. (Aside: I NEED KINDLE! It would revolutionize my life and cut the $ I spend to read by a quarter!) I can't say I loved reading them as much as I usually do. I find blogs more satisfying than I did Chelsea's book. My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands by Chelsea Handler which was interesting because she's a woman who thinks a bit like a man, a comedian, a sassy brassy lady. I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max (a self-professed narcissistic guy, this is a collection of stories from his younger years- he's also Bunny's ex) which was by turns funny, wheezing laugh inducing funny, appalling, too gross for me to read, and scary. However, I didn't find it laugh out loud funny, I didn't find her as.... confident as I thought she was, and rather than it being endearing I found it disappointing. She just may not be my kind of funny. Finally, I read Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner. I'm not sure how I feel about this book still, over a week after finishing it. I loved In Her Shoes which I read at my mom's house one vacation. So I thought I would really like this book, but I didn't find the main character entirely believable or identifiable. There were things in this book that started lots of thought processes for me, which I did enjoy. I just lost touch with the main character at some point in the book and I never got back to her. Strange. I can't explain it. I did love that the main character wasn't this super perfect gorgeous skinny thing. Alternately I was terrified that I had ever made a girl or woman a larger size than me feel the way she often felt in this book. I'm little.... most people are larger than I am.... :(. Again, that fear and paralysis right there over such a thought is fairly new. Maybe I have, but normally I would just be like: Oh well, in the future I will really try to be more cognizant and be sure I don't do that to anyone intentionally. Now? EEK!