Altitude and Sickness

I absolutely have a mild case of altitude sickness, luckily it mostly onset post some serious working out (and probably because of it, haha). I could NOT catch my breath today while biking and that was a good warning of what was to come. Serious dizziness and a loopy feeling along with some irritability. So I'm here, writing a blog about the trip and stuff so far instead of going out tonight like we planned. The sleep I should get soon should do me good, here's hoping I wake up tomorrow feeling all kinds of better. This blog will probably be pretty disjointed, my sentences are a mess even in my head. Sorry. :(

So, we're in CO. It's freakin' GORGEOUS. Unfortunately the second the plane touched down I felt stabbing pain in my temple. And some nausea. I love to fly, I like everything about it except the proximity to strange human beings. I even like turbulence. (I have learned somehow to turn off my fear response... if I'm aware of it. It's the unconscious fears that take me out I think, and control me when I have no notion I'm being controlled.) Basically, I knew all of this wasn't a flight reaction. By the time we made it through baggage claim (a noxious affair when my mom and her SO are involved, she dumps her bags on me ASAP to go inhale carcinogens so then I get to smell them in the car for the next 2 hours, he steps up to get our bags off the line... and misses them, all of them, and I see them but can't leave all the bags I'm standing knee deep in to help, grr) I was walking funny when the pain would lance through my head. So I ask for something to take, mom has something, I take it blindly, only to find out it has something in it I'm allergic to. Luckily my reaction was mild (a little facial swelling), and the other ingredients did help. Scary, thanks mom. We went to bed after a stop at Buffalo Bill's grave, the couple hour drive from Denver to Keystone, and a stop at the grocery store (where I ended up choosing and planning our meals on the fly, Mom's SO also clearly had some altitude adjusting to do, he was out of it and a half). I woke up feeling sooo thirsty but good this morning, I've had over 14 glasses of water today. I actually drained my camelback for the first time ever, all by myself, in less than 3 hours.

We got things together this morning... VERY SLOWLY. I had to make our reservations and plans for the week... which totally weirded me out to do because it's not my money or just me on the trip. But I did it... I hope they can hang and that we have fun.... Then I finally got them out of the house to go biking. I swear, what is it with moms and a need to WAY overprepare for everything and yet still not bring the right things?? My backpack ended up weighing over 20 pounds today for the bike ride, just because I had to bring so many things she insisted on!! And even then she borrowed my beanie when it got cold, then smoked in it - so now I don't want to touch it until it's washed - and my ears nearly froze off without it on the last half of the trip. It was 16 miles (12 almost entirely downhill though, with minimal peddling), it should have been 18, but we weren't able to finish it in time. We went up to Vail pass and came down through Copper, Frisco, and almost to Dillon. It started out gorgeous, then a storm blew in and we were riding against the wind in freezing rain (there's still some snow up that high!!) for the last bit. I just couldn't catch my breath anymore, and my balance had gotten very wobbly. It could have been the wind too, but I felt so intensely weird. Mom had to walk the bike a lot during this part so we didn't have time to do the last 2 miles, but that was for the best with the breathing issues I was having, because of course I still pushed it until I realized she was completely miserable, then I called it quits for all of us. For some reason, I'm the decision maker on this trip, weird. Mom's SO got us lost 3 different times (he took charge of the map and managed to F that up royally, he was horrible about telling us if we were going the right way too, if you want to lead then DO IT, otherwise let someone else who actually will lead have the damn map). I was so frustrated a few times and the altitude stuff is supposed to make you irritable, but I was smart. Before we started out I popped my ipod on in my bag, snaked one earbud into one ear, and put it on a soothing mix I like to use for painting calmly or yoga. I think it saved us all, me having a soothing soundtrack for this ride. :) All in all it was the most gorgeous ride ever, I even LIKED the hardcore biker thrill I got from the rain, the breathing issues, all of it. And watching a storm roll in over the Rockies is definitely badass, trying to outrace it was pretty intense too. I loved the first part of the trail the most, when I could still breath, and the downhills were steeper. I got going so fast peddling was slowing me down a LOT, so I just stopped and raced down the mountain! :D What a rush, my ass is killing me, but what a rush. Then we came back and had a snack and popped down to the hot tub. Sometimes I push the third wheel feeling far away, other times I can't help but be aware of it. I think part of why vacations with them are difficult isn't just because we're on different speeds (me - fast, them - not so much), have different mentalities ( me - less is more, them - overprepare and plan), but also because I feel constantly alone. Even when we're all together. The hot tub made me so dizzy I couldn't walk, oops. So then it was upstairs to lay down, and we had to cancel going bowling for the night, which was sad. I wanted to a lot and it might have helped to be around them like that smiling and relaxing some more after being so annoyed at the last part of the trip. Even if I feel bitchy, I need to curb it, it's not fair to anyone, and I think it leaked through quite a bit a few times. Oops.

I'm so worried about my bestest Anne back home. Her life is a mess right now and I wish I could be there for her, do something, anything at all!! I hate going days like this without talking to her and knowing how she is. I think the combo of the odd woman out feeling and this being cut off from my friends thing really sucks.

I was sad when I talked to the boy (SP) the other night and he was having a screening of one of my movies he borrowed that I was supposed to watch with a bunch of the new girls I've been hanging out with and all his friends were going, including said girls. I was also sad when he asked me to call him, I did, and he asked about what's been going on but yawned through my answer and got off the phone with me super fast. Then he said he'd call when he was taking care of my cats, I would have loved to hear my girl kitty, and he forgot. I had to call him. Then he said he'd call tonight after our bowling team bowled, and he never did. It's now midnight there, no call. And I don't want to call him again when he said he would, some for stubborn reasons but mostly because I'm feeling fragile. All that really helps with the relationship concerns and the feeling lonely stuff.

I know things are happening with my best friends and I don't know about them and I hate it, hate it, hate it. I also loved every minute of the time with my sister and it reminded me just how much I love being around her and talking to her and just her. I hate that it seems like we can't ever sustain that long distance.

This place the walls are thin.... I don't feel FREE to talk you know? And voices carry on the air, it doesn't have A/C so the windows are always open to every room.... So going outside isn't the answer. I could go down to the pool or the lobby maybe, and I might have to tomorrow if this feeling persists. My mom is very nosy about my time, lol, I think she feels like she needs to have as much of it as she can when I'm around, and I understand that. I'm really hoping all of these feelings are just compounded by the overall something-is-wrong-here of the altitude nonsense, and not that bad in reality.

I'm going to go try to drug myself to sleep, which usually doesn't work, but is worth a shot tonight.... Here's to waking up refreshed, and ready to whitewater raft for half the day, woohoo!