Monday, April 27, 2009

Biochemistry is a BITCH

My body is such a bitch sometimes. I pretty much have to be on birth control - and have been since shortly after I even started having a cycle.

I've been on over 10 different brands in 12 years. They all have side effects.

Yes, being on them is better than not for a lot of icky reasons. Mainly that I am physically functional when on them - and don't lose so much blood that I could end up being hospitalized... (my genetics were designed to kill me, I swear).

I am grateful there is a 'treatment' for me... but I just can't help being so SICK of the side effects. If I take any with androgens I have bad acne and my hair thins out. If I take estrogen I have mini periods all the time, still have acne- just less, and often lose my sex drive and sometimes my ability to be stimulated in the same ways. Oh, and they all make it more difficult to keep my weight where I like it.

I'm currently on an estrogen one. My ability to be stimulated has been majorly affected - which sucks because I still have a drive but my body doesn't react much. It's very difficult to orgasm. That is intensely frustrating.

I had a cancer scare recently with my cervix.... there was a part of me that hoped I had it....

Sure, it was a very small part of me - but it was there. I would LOVE to just have my frickin' parts removed and get to BE MYSELF FOR ONCE without all these synthetic hormonal ridiculous issues.

Sorry for the rant but it's a part of why I haven't been around here much. It's hard to read sex blogs and enjoy them right now. It's impossible to write anything sexual.

The worst part is I don't know what I want to do. I don't want to lose my hair anymore or be in my late twenties with a teenager's face and back and chest. I can't go off BC. They won't take my parts out - I'm "too young" and I "might want kids one day" (AS IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT). For now that means staying on the estrogen, staying on a pill that takes a part of my identity... a part of my life... and tamps it down no matter what I want.

1 comment:

  1. Try Centchroman. It's a non hormonal kind of BC. I've been on it for over a year. It's amazing. Search the net for more info. You can buy it from a pharmacy in India. No side effects.

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