Right now they would be as follows....I'm scared that grad school is making me someone I don't want to be. Though I hope it's giving me the tools to be who I always wanted to be...
I'm scared the economic crisis is going to force me and my kitties to move, force me to find another way to live my already frugal life.....
I've been homeless before, I vowed that once my life was under my control I wouldn't have to be ever again. I know it won't come to that this time... but... it's getting scary.
I am the first in my family to ever be educationally ambitious, and I'm scared it'll all come to nothing when I finally get out of school. That I put the other experiences and life I could have had on hold for this dream... only to have it be just that... a dream that fulfills nothing I believed it would.
Some of this is just the pain and agony of finals week talking, mixed with my finally getting a touch of the myriad of illnesses that pass through college campuses. I'll be officially done with my classwork Wednesday night, then after that it's Thesis specific time. Some of it is worse than that. It's the fact that it's time to start deciding what I want to DO with this degree, be a consultant or a professor.... and knowing that my school and my department are suffering now. My summer funding is gone. All of our summer funding is gone. My normal funding remains... but this added uncertainty and now pressing need to find some kind of future-enhancing employment for myself over the summer is just more than I needed right now. I've already spent too much money on Christmas, of course (I just LOVE buying presents, I can't help it!), and now I'm scared of what my future holds in the next 6 months. Not to mention the next 3 years.
These are my deepest fears, and I know they're likely mostly unfounded. Now that they're out I'm hoping to get back to my work, get it done, and get on with solving my problems. Here goes nothing....
:(
ReplyDelete(hug)
You were homeless before? How did you cope? I would probably have been freaking out all over the place...
Life is scary on a regular basis, and the future is always uncertain... but you have you, and your talent and intelligence and dreams.
Money is always a source of worry, it annoys me because it really shouldn't be.
My thoughts are with you
I completely and totally feel you on fears 1 and 2. I dropped out of my doctoral program because of one. I'm terrified about #2 currently.
ReplyDeleteAll I can do is give you hugs. Many of them.
-Essin' Em
People draw trend lines from recent experience, and they're almost always wrong, because things change.
ReplyDeleteRemember those predictions of $5 a gallon gas from last summer? Or doom from Y2K?
Once we pay off all the debt that's causing problems at the moment, the economy will come back. And that might be just when you're finishing up grad school.
A good way not to be changed by grad school is to hang out with us reprobates in Blogland. We'll keep you grounded.