Sleep Paralysis: Fingers

<-- The Nightmare, a painting thought to portray sleep paralysis, by Henry Fuseli (1781).

So I've had bouts of sleep paralysis for years now. I'm not that old either, not young anymore, but not old either. 26. Yet I can remember almost 10 years of this phenomenon, to the point where it hasn't been a scary thing for me in years. It pisses me off more than anything.

When I get hit with a bout of paralysis I get almost angry, because I can't move anything but my eyes. Even if I'm uncomfortable, even if I know I shouldn't be asleep and I'm going to sleep through the start of class, even if the cat is suffocating me... no dice. That loss of control is what makes me angry, and the fact that this usually occurs after an involuntary sleep session - a time I never intended to fall asleep at all and didn't even realize I had until I 'woke up' to being paralyzed.

My normal hallucination since I moved in alone has been that someone is breaking into my house and is going to come into whatever room I am in and do who knows what to me - in a NOT HOT way - and I won't be capable of moving... but I'll see it all. Scary, but I know now it's never real, so I just sit through it.

However, for the first time in a LONG time I had a different hallucination today. Today it was that there was someone sitting on the end of the couch (I was on my side so I couldn't see them)and they were touching me lightly. Then the fingers were on my clit (which wasn't even exposed, haha, so right....but it was in the hallucination!! They were stroking me... I was so wet.... it lasted forever and it wasn't even frustrating. It was amazing. It's been a long time since I've had that, even from myself. When things get this nutty I tend to want it rough hard and fast, and give it to myself the same way, haha. My mind played with the idea that they were feminine fingers and the touch was both softer and more intimate all at once, and then that they were masculine fingers and it was more insistent, a bit rougher, but no less pleasing.

I still came out of the session much later groggy, and a little grumpy.... but at least for once I had a pleasant memory too and didn't miss anything more important than a few hours of schoolwork I was going to do. And I was already wet, making fun for myself later a lot MORE fun!