I want to write about...

Whew, I just spent hours and hours catching up. Sneezing, going from hot to cold and back and forth, cuddling with each of my kitties, reading, writing comments, being distantly aroused (thanks a lot you damn cold keeping my libido dampened), and much more.

I kind of want to do a 2008 in review post...
Health concerns that I'm sick of(haha, so punny), a relationship I never let myself BE in, losing one of my kitties, procrastinating to the point of possibly jeopardizing myself, and the pretty dots of happiness - blogging, my sister finding love, my friends, overcoming stuff.

I kind of want to review my trip home... and to WI with SP... Christmas in general...
My mother's insanity and meanness, my family's lack of love, the weirdness of this trip home in general. WI being so refreshing and yet so boring at the same time, feeling like again with SP it's just about fitting into his world, the fact that he didn't buy my presents until this week, the beauty of the winter wonderland, and just the general NOT rightness that was this Christmas. I am not a fan of Christmas.

I kind of want to write out what has/has not happened with my BMF - Frances...
I stopped talking to him. I sort of know why. He's not happy about it. I'm not exactly happy about it either, but I'm also not unhappy about it. I feel bad that I know it's hurting him, but I am still not convinced it's not in both of our best interests either.

I kind of want to write about my father, my mother, my family...

I kind of want to write about my current concerns...
HPV for me? School crap from thesis to support groups (LGBT, grad school, or general?? I'm leaning LGBT... but kind of think I should do Grad School since I have way more trouble with that than with being Bi)... whatever.

I really want to get back into writing my story...

I really want to work on my thesis...

I kind of want to whine some more about my relationship...

I wish I was feeling well enough to create a good HNT...

So many wants, so ill-defined... I am unsure that I want to revisit or dwell on any of the above however, that would go here anyway. I SHOULD go to work more on my thesis, post-haste. I'm sick of my own wishy washy nature on some things.

I'd also love to be able to talk about sex, but I haven't had very much of it at all. My Hitachi seems to be giving my boyfriend hints, when he walks over on that side of the bed (I often leave it under the dust ruffle under my side of the bed) it has turned on all by itself a few times now. It scared the hell out of him the first time. He refuses to turn it off himself. (I just don't know if I can handle the prudishness, I thought he was being funny at first, but clearly he's not.) Apparently when he walks over there the floor dips (my apartment is OLD) and sometimes it hits the switch. Providence? Hint, hint, says the Hitachi?

I've learned something odd this year - I orgasm during sex very easily without a condom involved. For some reason, with one involved I get EXTREMELY aroused but if I do orgasm it's what I think of as a little one, not a big one.

And with that disjointed undecisive ramble I am taking my sniffly, stuffy, somewhat miserable and clearly whiny little butt off to bed. Goodnight moon.