Singles Awareness Day! (a.k.a. Valentine's Day)

Have I told you lately how much I love A Softer World? Probably not, but you may have noticed anyway.

I'm spending today in another city, with my BFF. It's horrible not to be spending it with the other loves of my life - my cats - but I'll just lie to them and tell them it's the actual holiday on Monday. Shhh!! I hope everyone can really enjoy today in any way they choose - alone, in a group, with a loved one of any kind, or just with your pets. I dislike how a day has so much potential to breed angst, but all holidays have that potential in all honesty. I do like how people who are truly in love and of a naturally romantic bent use it as an excuse to show each other again how they feel. So while I personally choose not to participate (I did get the boyfriend rechargable batteries and a recharger - because he needed them -, some caffeine additives to try out since he can't get soda on the international trip he's going on soon and he's afraid caffeine withdrawal is going to ruin it for him, and a heart of reese's miniatures. All of which will be waiting with a handwritten note next to the cats' brush and pooper scooper when he arrives to take care of them while I'm gone this weekend. See - the commitmentphobe can play the romantic too!) all that much, I just hope you all use the day as an excuse to make yourselves happy!

(Honestly, I prefer the Maxim alternative holiday on the 15th: Steak and BJ Day. Feel free to adopt it!)

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I must say, before I left on Christmas break I was listening to a song by Brandi Carlisle called "The Heartache Can Wait" to convince myself NOT to leave my relationship right before the holidays - for both of our sakes. Lately I've been listening to "Be Ok" by Ingrid Michaelson - more for grad school and personal non-relationship issues - and Jay Brannan because his voice is incredible and Sasha tipped me off to him. I came back from Wisconsin unsure if I had just pretended things were ok well enough that our relationship looked pretty again - I'm quite good at that. I did that my entire life growing up in my mother's house. It seems though that my feet are finally on some kind of solid ground with my relationship, I'm not sure how they got there.

Perhaps it was the tears that fell silently down my face, maybe this time he saw how much it hurt me to fight for us, that it hurt too much, that I was giving up.
Perhaps he finally heard me, or I finally said the right words. What a myth the right words are!

Whatever it was, it worked. My SP has finally begun to listen and really hear me. He still doesn't always say the right thing, but now that is tempered by his listening to what I say in response. What an amazing difference it makes, it sounds so stupid and simple - but it changes EVERYTHING. It's all I really need in this world. To be heard, loved, touched, and for someone to even attempt to understand me. To want to help every once in a while - even though it's unlikely I'll let them. So now here we stand, together and happily so. I'm not worried about tomorrow, in fact we've joked about how neither of us cares about that right now. We've basically agreed to it. We'll jump that hurdle when it comes, and I'm quite sure we'll both decide to remain friends and go our separate ways. But I don't care - in fact, that makes me happy. So does the idea that he might want more - and that I don't according to what I know so far. I feel so content with him right now. It certainly took much too long to hit a stride (2 years), but this is what I always saw the potential for. I just can't do the FWB thing in this town, though it would have been my preference. So this mutually respectful relationship where two commitmentphobes come together for sex on tap works for me.

I don't want sex as much right now - thanks to health stuff and school focus. That works well for him, and he's been very amenable to doing it more when I do want to. He's listening with more than just his ears. He's also finally opening up a bit about what he likes, doesn't like, etc. Now, we're finally good for each other 90% of the time like I just knew we could be. Isn't that wonderful? It feels pretty wonderful, I must say.