Heroism

Have you ever done something heroic?? I imagine that surprisingly... we all have... in our own way. We may not know it, but we probably did. (The point of this is NOT to toot my own horn per se, but just reminding myself that some things are extremely hard for me personally to do. They are hard for anyone to do. We should all recognize when we do these amazingly hard things.)

I've loved with everything I had, whether someone deserved it or not. I've loved enough to leave and take that burden of pain for both of us, so that they might become who they said they wanted to be.

I've run across a deck and then jumped into a pool fully clothed when a child's waist float tipped over, holding her head under water, her little legs flailing in the air. I got the water out of her lungs, and took her over to the trampoline to help her calm down, and then just held her for a while. Her father was standing right next to the pool the entire time. When he saw her flipped over in the water, he didn't move a muscle. Neither did any one of the other parents or adults at the party. I think I knew that day I would have to leave them both, no matter how much I loved her.

I've forgiven those who asked me to, every single one of them. I've also forgiven almost all of those who haven't asked, and the hardest thing of all is that occasionally I've managed to forgive myself for mistakes I've made.

Perhaps it's just that you choose life. That you choose to live despite pain, despite confusion about what living means to you, despite whatever it is that you face.

Today, I'm here. Working HARD to achieve the goals I set for myself, even though I had no real understanding of what they entailed at the time. I don't give up. Despite knowing that I have so many unexplored passions, I try to fulfill those while still completing the path I am already on. That's just how I feel I have to live my life. There are other things I could mention, but really I just wonder what I will do from here....

"It never occurred to me before today that perhaps I felt invisible because I was acting that way. I wish someone had said something. Then again, if they had I probably wouldn't have believed them." - Kat