This is just a whisper....

I don't want to say any of this too loud, for fear of jinxing it....

Sleep is going very, very well. I got a pillow speaker, and it does help. I've also been taking naps the days I can, working out more, limiting caffeine when I can, and allowing myself to oversleep on the days I have the option. I have only had one exhausted useless day in over a week... that's a big change. And only one headache. Shhhh, this radical acceptance thing might be working.....

Something must have clicked with SP, though I don't know what. Was it the someecard I sent - featured above?? :D He's called me every night we aren't together to 'check in' and talk for a little bit this past week - new behavior for when we're not on vacations apart. He's making an effort to just listen rather than always offering suggestions. He's making an effort to share his day as well. He actually noticed a correlation with some passive aggressive snarkiness on my part when I haven't had sex in a few days, haha, so the sex has been as frequent as possible (which sadly isn't so often right now, we're both swamped and on opposite schedules - night class for me, day classes for him). He's thanked me for when I go out with his friends and put up with them talking about their stuff that bores me - a first. He's been making time to come over and talk to me for a little bit before we go meet up with other people, or to have me do the same, to walk away from the TV to come talk to me, to turn it off for a little bit, so our time has these little moments of connection and upkeep. (I do NOT understand why this is starting NOW, but it's what I've been trying to communicate that I wanted - I think I just didn't say it in a way he understood until now. I try to be incredibly clear and concrete with what I want, I must have gotten the request right this time.) It's funny how this is happening when we've both reached our busiest times of the semester and will both be whirling dervishes of work and stress from now until december. Work hard, play hard... And the way he's holding me while he sleeps is different. I've noticed this with every boyfriend I've ever had, how they sleep with me is indicative of how they feel about me in that moment. Lately he reaches out for me as he's going to sleep, curls around me in the night, or pulls me to him, and hits the snooze just to hold me for a while in the morning. It's a very sweet thing that actually has the capacity to melt me. Usually I'm wearing armor against melting and find traditionally romantic gestures weird and sappy... but first thing in the morning? Skin against warm skin? Snuggling? Nope, not even I can deny the goo that fills me with. These are the things that a good relationship are made of: commitment to one another, respect, love, and communication of those things - be it physical or verbal. Right now, we've got that, and it feels very nice.

And I have to say, lying in bed at night, cuddled into one another, when a semi-growled whisper hits my ear asking me if I feel like I've been a good girl or not.... all is well in the world. I'll write something sexy again soon, I've just got to have the mental space to do so! In other words, I'm going to go do some work and see if I can't make some room for fun in my mind again.