The downside of waiting....

I missed HNT this week, I'll make sure to have something next week. It was a bad day for me, and life has since gotten in the way. Thursdays are when my week finally winds down some as well, so I am usually exhausted. My poor pitiful me phase pre-radical acceptance of whatever dyssomnia I have didn't help. Luckily, I'm already feeling better about my body this week than last, I haven't had time to work out but I've had my food under control to make up for that. Balance can be so hard to achieve sometimes, but this past week I achieved it. Oveall, I'm feeling very void of things to say, I have this odd feeling that I've said it all before. So I decided to pass back through my own drafts and found where I had started to say some of what is swirling in my mind before....

Jake of Facts and Friction made me want to respond to his blog with his 'rules and regulations' writings. I completely agreed that having rules and regulations of dating seemed silly to me (unless you need them to keep yourself safe, etc.)... To me the #1 thing is the honesty about emotions and desires that matter. Not the timeline or the rules. If it's a one-time thing you should just make sure the other person knows. Consent, consent, consent. They may still get emotionally attached even if you've made an agreement of non-attachment, but as long as you made the agreement you're in the clear in my mind. Communicate what you feel, what you want, and get consent. It's all that simple.

I've never had sex on the first date, but I might. I wouldn't feel bad about it. It just wasn't in the cards for me with any of those I've dated. I have had sex on the first night of meeting someone before. I wasn't 'seeing' them though, and the lines were defined. For me, when the lines are defined, all is as well as can be.

I have held out against what both I and someone else wanted before... for one night, with GJ. It was actually hotter, BUT I only did that because I didn't REALLY like the guy. I just wanted to sleep with him, but didn't want to do it when 50 other people would see us leave together and know what we did. I made that clear, and he liked the secretive aspect, he felt it made it hot. He knew he was only in town for 2 nights, so did I. Holding out also meant I could enforce that it was a one-night kind of deal. Seemed smart to me, I made it clear that's what it was. He recently (over a year later) requested to friend me on Facebook... I didn't respond. Sure he was nice, but his sexual techniques definitely pointed to him watching way too much male-oriented porn. I fought laughter at least once that night. His penis was the most beautiful I have ever seen. Still, I didn't like his bravado in bed, he was trying so hard to impress me. Once I got him to stop doing that, things were better.

My current boyfriend told me he wanted to wait so it would 'mean something'.... I honestly think that allowed me to have sex with him for a long time (almost a year) without any emotional attachment and to keep from getting very involved. The odd thing about this is I teased him about this a couple of months ago and he vehemently reacted to it. He doesn't remember saying that, and when I told him I clearly remembered it because it scared me at the time, he said that didn't even make sense. He 'never would have said that', it was all about 'getting oral anytime he wanted it'. I really didn't know how to respond to that, because I know I am not misremembering. (I doublechecked with the BFF Anne the next day to be sure, she confirmed my panic'ed call of the next morning after he said it and in fact recalled the exact words I did. I love her.) I still don't know how I feel about it, and what's the point in confronting someone about something they remember differently than you do?