I am so sick and tired of being CRAZY and tired. And YES that's funny, lol. You can laugh, it's ok, I am. I took myself off the anti-depressant, which was definitely making me a mess. It helps for me to have written it out, to read it later and be able to have evidence to support my thinking: OK, yes, there is definitely a negative change since I took this medication. Sorry about all of it if you've been reading along. The antidepressant is slowly processing out of my system - finally - three nights after the last time I took it (and go figure that it had the opposite effect on me that it was supposed to). I haven't slept correctly in a while, but I will, I will. I'm getting my Ambien CR come hell or high water tomorrow. :D It was NOT a fluke that I felt good. I deserve to feel good, I deserve to not question my every thought, to be motivated to do the things I want to do.
So forgive me my insanity, I knew not what I was doing.
I am so ready to not be the Queen of Excuseville anymore. Now, I may not be able to escape all my crazy, like my relationship crazy, but I don't have to be plagued by these extremes that I know are not natural to me. I embrace and love my brokenness, but medication imposed and sleep lacking crazy are NOT OK.
A Softer World: 1248
7 years ago
ugh. messing with medication is the worst. Really. It's amazing the range of emotion little colored capsules can make us feel when we might usually be relatively stable. Kind of Alice in Wonderland, if you think about it. Although I guess she was eating cookies and drinking liquids, so maybe it's more The Matrix incarnation.
ReplyDeleteWell, if that random-ass commentary didn't let you know that this is yet ANOTHER thing we're kindred spirits on, I'm not sure what will. :) But really, I'm sorry you're getting fucked by your medication. And not SP - that's so lame. I'm with you, when I'm upset and emotionally exhausted, I usually want sex even more, especially if I'm in a relationship with that someone. It's like an automatic connection. So I'm sending you more virtual hugs and comment love.
Hang in there.