Fan-fucking-tastic

I feel SO GOOD. I don't even know what to say, or how to explain it. Having this sleep thing figured out has changed my life in such a short time. I've got a me back I did not realize has been eroding little by little for a long time. The neat part is I do think that operating under such an issue made the internal me, the real me who was being stifled by these issues, stronger. She had to work tons harder to be there, to keep her place, to not get lost under the physiological changes and the ever growing anxiety and depression. I have it all back: confidence, intelligence, deep-seated self assurance, curiosity, sexuality, humor, everything that makes me who I am without all of the things that have felt wrong for such a long time. It's glorious. I have had doctors confirm that my self-diagnosis is likely spot on, but can't afford a sleep study so I'm just going to roll with this. I've figured out how to treat it and that works, more fuel for me thinking I have the right answer here. It's so incredible to know and be valid in my feeling that something was truly wrong with me!!

I'm reveling in my own skin. I'm taking charge of my own sex life again, being more assertive in my relationship, and enjoying every minute of it. I've got my school life in order, for once. I even talked over the sleep issue with my advisor, and he was entirely understanding and supportive and laughed because my first semester here I was known for having to tell my profs about my insomnia and the fact that I occasionally fall asleep in class (even if I want to be awake and paying attention) - and that I told them not to take it personally. None of them did, a nice side effect of my field. They're very understanding. :) I have my personal things in order. I'm back to being proactive, with much less procrastination. The house is clean, I'm eating better. It's so good!!!

I'm leaving now to make my neighbors think I'm a call girl again, I really need to take Frances' bet and place rates in the window just to see what would happen. My UPS guy has already seen me naked once, and a DHL guy, and probably several of my neighbors.... it's not my fault there are no window treatments and I like to be naked. I haven't posted the rates because if someone inquired I might be tempted, lol, or at least intrigued.... and that's asking for trouble in such a small town too. Grad school sure does seem better these last two weeks. What a difference a few nights of uninterrupted sleep has made. I'll be here posting again soon because while I may have figured this out there's still way too much going on in my head.

But tonight, I've got someone better to do. While wearing that skirt. :D