Dexter

This show is amazing. Intensely and absofreakinglutely amazing. If you like psychological stuff check it out.

On another note, is watching hours of it making me nuttier? Is it this antidepressant that when I only take a 3rd of the pill, doesn't seem to help me sleep much until it clears my system. Weird. Today, I'm semi-convinced that SP has cheated on me. I don't know why. I just feel like he did. Maybe it was the weird bruises on him he didn't know where he got.... but most likely it's all my own problems I'm projecting. I will have to ask him later if he has, I know I'll have to. Ugh, where, after feeling so incredible so recently, is all this crazy coming from??? I feel like I did when I was sleep deprived again actually. Yeah, maybe I should go back and get the Ambien CR again, no matter how much it costs me. I don't like being back here again so soon.... it's scary. I feel alternately numb and paranoid and like never leaving my house today, I've already considered skipping school.

I did talk to SP last night. I thought I could let it go without a conversation, I really did. I got there and he was happy to see me, but I couldn't. I was hyper sensitive to his comments, and took them all critically. So of course I finally talked to him about it when we went to bed, something he hates with a passion. So I didn't feel understood, though at least he listened. When you get comments like: I don't care if you feel blank, blah blah blah, and it again didn't seem like he wanted to understand... whatever. I do feel done with it at least, because I did my best to communicate. That is my relationship goal this time around. To pressure myself to communicate even when I don't feel like it, and I've been very good about it. On with life.

And what is it with men (or at least the ones I date), that when they're annoyed, they don't want sex? I do. Always. Annoyed or not. Which sometimes pisses me off, lol. And I want it even more when I've poured something important out of myself and am not feeling connected to someone. Sex makes it all feel better. This morning it didn't though. This morning I think he's cheated on me, lol. Nice. And I'm smooshy, I've been emotionally eating and NOT working out at all, I hate when my clothes don't fit comfortably. Death to smooshy. Back to the doctor with me..... needing medication blows.