Entitlement: Edited

I decided to edit this for coherence. If I track how coherent different entries are it seems to directly correspond to what my sleep is like at the time. Creepy!

So, 3 years or so ago... while I was working and wanting a break from where I grew up, while I was also working on my graduate school applications... I made some interesting friends. I think that this group I surrounded myself with at that time has a lot to do with some of the things that happened, the fact that that time in my life is characterized by the few things I regret doing in this lifetime, etc. Of course I was ultimately responsible, but there was such a glamorous air to this group of people who were so unlike me....they all looked confident, cared about their appearance (and consequently looked pretty good), seemed to get what they wanted, were interesting, and did what they wanted without guilt. They also shared something else I didn't notice until I got in closer: a sense of entitlement, and in many cases major insecurities covered up with a front.

My best friend Frances and I had an interesting talk about this. My closest friend at that time had a serious sense of entitlement to the point where she would use anyone who would provide something. 90% of my 'friends' then had this same disease. This personality trait was one of the things I found so attractive in E, the guy I rebounded with post my first relationship, the fact that he felt entitled to date and have me (though otherwise he didn't have an entitlement problem). I was enamored with a woman (Q) who felt entitled to worship, drinks from men, sex from whoever she wanted, money, EVERYTHING without working for it and without feeling like she ever had to give anything back - even just honesty about her intentions. She was a user. My closest friend was a user. My boyfriend (K) was also a user, and felt entitled to do nothing and have everyone live their lives to make his the way he wanted it. I could write pages about this with him, but I won't. He was the only one I was close enough to see how this happened, he was insanely spoiled growing up and was taught that he was the center of the world and that it should bend to what he wanted. The rest of them I have no idea what the deal was.

I was so deeply unused to getting anything I wanted in my life, from afar these people seemed so fulfilled. Then I got in closer. It was ugly in there, very ugly. Full of pain and fear. It taught me how to look out for myself a little better, to go for the things I NEED and the things I want, BUT I hope there aren't lingering issues from being so immersed in an entitled culture. I know their counsel, proximity, and influence helped me make some of the worst decisions of my life.... way to go me! Hindsight can be so clear.

Entitlement seems like a new psychological disease overtaking our country, there are numerous pop culture examples (the one that bugs me the most is that awful Sweet 16 show on MTV). Scary idea.

Now, we all use the people in our lives for things we need. However, I think that if you choose to give BACK it keeps you from being a user. If you're concerned with the fact that you do use your friends even for support, then you're probably not a user. I could go on, but I think this makes plenty of sense without more blather about it.

These kinds of things always make me wonder too if I'm just repeating past patterns in smaller scale over time. Am I attracted to people who feel a sense of entitlement? I definitely give too much, too soon, too often. It's a bad habit, but one I have yet to break, though I work on it. So here's my pattern:
With A I eventually became the enabler for his self-indulgent behavior, and had to leave him over it. He felt entitled to me making my life the way he needed it to be so he could never work. W T F. We had never agreed on that, yet he thought I would make that change with no qualms, just because he wanted me to.
I had an almost relationship with E, who also felt entitled to ME, though not so much to anything else... at least that I knew of.... he still does feel entitled to me. In fact, it's made dealing with him less and less tolerable lately. I'm finding it more arrogant and less intoxicating. I'm also finding it tiresome, it's my decision. He expects me to be ok with cheating type behaviors because he wants me to send him naked photos, or have phone sex, or allow him to come visit me. No.
With K, I found out he actually was a self-indulgent narcisisstic person and a horrible father, and finally had to leave him over it. He also expected me to give up my life and dreams (not what we had agreed on, again) just to be his partner and a part of his life.
I was obsessed with Q, who was a lesser version of Paris Hilton, minus the hard work, that only wanted what I had not ME... and I had to save myself from that eventually to.

So where does that leave me... and SP? Does he feel entitled to anything? He definitely doesn't want me to give anything up... he's a hard worker so he doesn't want everything for free..... but with him he comes first. 90% of the time he doesn't even SEE how it could be another way. Is that a type of entitlement? Or is that some other element of my pattern?