Freaking out.

I. am. so. close. to. freaking. out.

I have a gnat infestation, apparently they like my new plants. I noticed a few when I got home from vacation, but did you know that ONE gnat can lay 300-400 eggs? So apparently since then, they have been doing just that. To make it better, I'm allergic to the damn things. So where as normal people just itch a little but otherwise don't even have visible bites from them, I get bumps that look like pimples. Lovely. And the paint in my place is so shitty that if you kill them against it they smear and the mark doesn't come off. GROSS.

Add to that, I'm so horribly disappointed in myself, and I think THAT is where the depression and slug-like attitude are coming from (finally let myself look at the ugly and found the source of the mood issues).
- I'm overspending. I haven't kicked my debt down much, and I should have by now. I still want things too, so it's going to be tough. I've got to get this veruca salt-ism under control.
- I'm upset with my entire lack of progress on my own goals. Entirely sad. That's the issue. I've been ignoring it because who wants to deal with feeling like a failure for no good excuse other than that you're a horrid procrastinator??
- I haven't lost the weight I want, gotten back into working out enough, or gotten as fit as I want to be.
- I haven't tried much to make this relationship what I want either, to see if it even can be enough for me for a while.

These gnats are sincerely making me NUTS. And getting rid of them is tough, AAAAGH. I'm about to head to Wal-mart for some gnat-fighting supplies. They must die. And this is just another way to procrastinate on the things I really SHOULD be doing for me. :(

What a good day, it even started with back spasms requiring medication to be able to move, and sex without an orgasm... I think that's the second time in my entire life that has happened. It may have been because of my back. I couldn't tell at the time.