No new IS good news

I feel very mentally at peace, sometimes I adore how our minds control everything. Other times it's the bane of my existence.

I'm currently on the adore side of the continuum. Thinking through and talking about this fauxtionship (my new term for what SP and I have) helped me so much. I'm happy to enjoy what we have as long as it's enjoyable. When I get the chance I do plan to talk to him about the faux aspect of it, but realizing that I didn't mind it removed the pressure to do so right now (we don't get much time just the two of us at all actually, part of the faux aspect of things, haha, I would have had to ask him for special time to talk which always sets up a bad scene in my opinion, automatically puts both parties in a corner and activates defense mechanisms). It also removed my expectations, it was hurting me to have those constantly unfulfilled. Finally, it has relieved me of my need to give and bend to what he wants, from small to large things. Which is nice for me! I've been doing that a long time now, and I'm happier not doing it, haha. I don't plan on bowing out of going home with him unless we talk and he wants me to, simply because now that would be dramatic and cause us both some explanations and discomfort. And he and I do have fun together, that's how this started! :D So I'm sure we will, and now with the pressure to impress and endear myself to his family off, I feel just fine about it, almost excited to see another part of the country and do something different. It feels more like traveling with a friend, which I am a-ok with.

Just picture me smiling and heaving a sigh of relief. :) Plus it frees me up mentally to feel sexy just for me again, and not be as affected by the fact that he doesn't seem to want me nearly as much as I want him.

Now, I'm not being unrealistic though. I doubt this faux thing can last all THAT long, but I'll enjoy it for now, and just ride it out. I do have some hope that we can still be friends and hang out semi-regularly even when it ends. He has a jealous streak, but I don't.... so it could happen. Which would be neat, he'd be the first boyfriend that was able to stay friends with me. I'm not hanging my hopes on it, but I feel like we should be old enough and mature enough for it. We'll see....

:D